Baby....

I got dreamt of having a baby.. hahah.. it's silly but i think i admire baby a lot especially my nephew.. Maybe i miss akid and afiq a lot. In my dream, i can feel i touch the baby, hug him with full of love and i feel so happy, with the baby in my arm.. It reminds me how i take care my nephew when i was at home last time.
Akid, Afiq.. i miss u..!!!

BETTER DIE ON THE WAY

I will better die too...
hmm..life is a journey, this is a long journey, we don't know when we will die.. maybe tomorrow, next month, or even the next second.. we don't know..
i just wish i can die peacefully and before that, i wanna make everyone happy before i go forever..
My only wish, i wish evryone forgive what i have done to them and will never forget me..
i will tahan all the suffer, as long as my love one happy..
i will fulfill what they want, i will fullfill what they wish before i die..

Peach Slices

What to do with peach? i am hungry so i am eating peach while writing this post.
I just cannot stop thinking about him. I am worried about him. I want to hear his voice again. I wanna tallk with him like i always did. I love to hear him nag at me.
I just missing him a lot, I am sick of love.. Sayang.. Wait for me. Could you?? PLEASE.....~ dear.. i don't want to lose you..
My future has nothing if i lose you..
Peach.. will you make my wish come true? I wish i can get married with him now without disappointing my parents. I wish i can be with him now..
Peach, please...talking about peach, i can still vividly remember how my sayang remind me not to eat sweet thing too often, but the peach is delicious. you can try if you don't believe in me.. It's just Asda brand, but still i like and addicted to peach.

huhuks.. i just cannot GET him out of my mind, every single thing i am doing, just remind me of him.. how can i forget the time we spend together all this while? How come?? he's too special in my heart, my heart unwillingly to forget him every seconds, everyday, every moment i took my breath in.
Sayang..!!! I love you so much.. Forgive me coz leaving you alone there, i feel so much pain in my heart. n i am sure we both cannot be separated, i cannot live without you dear...!!!
I wish to get married with you now and my parents bless us..!! we'll be together forever..~

"Ya Allah, makbulkan lah permintaan ku"...

7th day

A week after he went back to Malaysia.
It's just ma alone here.. pursuing what i wanted, to fulfill what my parents wants..
Thinking back how we met, how the relationship grows stronger and more stronger everyday, how he came to the UK to be with me, how wonderful everything is, how the time has stopped when i was with him , how everything changed, how he had to go back to Malaysia, how i was sending him back and how deep i love him..
I have found my true love, indeed.
I have responsibility to be here, never give up to make him understand. But, he it was never.. How? what i'm suppose to do? It's so hard to make a decision, either to break my parents heart, or lose him?
I don't want either, both are important. I am taking risk if i go back now, everything will be ruined, my parents hope, our future.. maybe he can't see my point there. Frankly, if i quit.. i have to prepare lots of effort to return what once i have got. The money, i don't mind.. he will support me, we will work together.. for how long? i don't know. how about your family trust? will they forgive you? will they allow you to get married with him?
They WILL if i finish my studies. yes.. they will,.
Just if you don't finish studies, you will never get what you want. They will never ever allow you to get married, they won't forgive what you've done. You'll lose both, family and love. You'll regret what you've decided.
think..
the answer is in your hand... You make the decision.
remember, you can't turn back later. This will surely affect your entire life.

But, i love him.. i willing to do everything for him to be mine? then why don't you go for it? i cannot ruin my future.. huhuks..
"you will never listen to me, you will never do something for me..!!"
It's all my fault, i cannot do even single thing for him.. i am useless. you know what? You will get him if he willing to wait. but he doesn't want to wait and i will lose him at any time.
He loves you.. you just give him torn by asking him to wait. let him go? NO..!! i will never, i will choose to live alone till i die, but never ever to turn back on him. It's just him in my heart untill i die.. i will choose to suffer as long as he be happy. i will choose to wait for him until he come back to me.. even though it means i have to suffer, be alone for the rest of my life..
My love will never fade away..
I swear to myself..!!

22nd birthday..!!

Happy birthday to myself...!! hahah..i am now 22 years old, hmm actually few days ago.. this time my birthday is special coz i celebrated it with sayang.. with sayang with me.. Dear.. i love you..!!
still remember the time we went to Chill? It was my first time you know what.. i am happy to be with you. really2 happy, no one else can make me happy except sayang..

Before we went there, something happen.. remember the hectic day when we had to go my place, and then yours for twice?
i was so clumsy until forgot to take my debit card along with me, we had to go back there again after reached your place. We were like berpindah randah to move my stuff back to my place.. haih~ eventhough so tired but i still got sayang with me.
i was so exhausted until vomitting on the way back to your place there.. yuk..!!
i could not help my self, it just happen coz too tired.
Do you still remember, how silly we were brought back the large bike box? And on the way to go to ur place, we can even stop at Domino's for some piZza and chicken wings? hahah.. really2 tired but our stomach have to be filled with something.. then, we continue back our journey until there. Everything seemed happen to fast, the next things i realize. i got mandi and get ready to go to Chill.
The night as cold as northpole (exagerrate). but still we made our way to Chill.. Like you said before, sure they will ask for ID. you're true indeed.. I thought, oh no.. We thought we're the earliest person who went there. but they already start the night before us.
had some drink and enjoy the music, and me wait until 12 midnight to be 22 yaers old.. owh.. there was a lot of people who celebrates their birthday same day as mine too..
happy birthday to them too..!
i wish i can be together with sayang, to get married, to have a family and living happily ever after...



While enjoying the music, a guy (orang hitam) came and took our photo. this photo was taken by me use sayang iphone. but the colour not so good, nevermind.. by the way, the photos which were taken by that guy was made as a sourveniour, as a keychain. one for me and one for sayang..
look nice, hope sayang will take care of it and do not lose it..
after hours spending time there, it was time to go back and have some rest after hectic day.. we both had have a really good time, but sometimes the music just out. I mean sometimes it was nice, then the next suddenly it was a slow music... haih..~ what la this music.. we were walking back to sayang place, again it was like a journey in the northpole, with the wind billowing towards us.. hu~ damn cold. i was impressed with myself, after totally tiring day, i still managed to walk home without anythng happen to me.. Guess what, once i got into the bed, i just sleep soundlessly till the next after-morning-noon..

I am missing you~

I don;t have any idea where to start.. it has been ages since last time i wrote something in this blog..

Actually, i am missing someone a lot.. My special one, Wilson. I love you dear. i just cannot forget every single thing we had done together, what we had gone though.. everything stick in my mind and i just cannot erase it.

Its so hard to let you go, and watched u walking out of the door, i am terribly sad because i have to live alone afteer this.

who will take care myself? who will cheer me whenver i feel down? who will say something nice to me? who will laugh and wipe my tears?

who will love me like the way you love me? Who??

it's only you who can make my life happy sayang~

>

One day, u came to me in the UK, i felt i was so lucky and could not believe it.. but it was true.. u standing in front of me. Then, one day you are gone..

went back to Malaysia where we belong. i need you..!! I need you in my life...!! i am so stupid coz let you go. i want you dear.. how to get you back.. i'm scared i might lose you anytime.. how to get you back..

sayang..

i miss you so much..

deep inside my heart i just want you, dear.. to have back all the time we spent together..

it's just you and me,.

i love you....